It starts off so easily and optimistically. The painful dental infection has been checked, antibiotics prescribed and the dentist is not concerned about my impending air travel. Friends and colleagues who claim better knowledge of such things than any dentist have been telling me that my face will all but explode through pain as the cabin pressure kicks in.
A very quick minicab journey to my very local London City Airport and I should be airborne 90 minutes after leaving the house.
And we would have been airborne had not the runway lights failed, causing a 40 minute delay on board. It is just one of the vicissitudes of travel.
Do I see my house as we ascend steeply, elevating, over East London? Maybe, maybe not. The view is cool though, snippets of East London and the Thames as we head towards Southend.
There is plenty of time still to make the next flight at Frankfurt, even though the distance from.the city fleet aircraft terminal is 1.5Km to reach Gate C in the other terminal. Ground services have failed to arrange my airport assistance and the staff at Frankfurt International Airport wearing the red “May I help you?” badges fail. Curses on you. I do not know the collective noun for a grinch, but you are all worthy of the title.
Finally, at Gate C, apologies all round and the final short part of the transfer is in a golf cart. Bag Lady expects serious pain to be exacerbated during the flight as a result of this fail. Frankfurt International will never be a travel option again. The return trip is via Munich, a modern compact airport.
But Lufthansa on board makes up for the Frankfurt Airport nonsense. Their aircrew is always professional, courteous and very human. And all in all, quite a smooth flight, with a movie diversion from Absolutely Fabulous, total cheese but perfect in-flight entertainment with lots of celebrity cameos, product placement (how much did Anya Hindmarch pay for Eddie to carry all those handbags?) and a few laugh out loud moments.
Masala tea is a post-lunch option, a nice nod from the airline to the flight destination.
Arrivals duty free reminds us of the destination just in case long flights and time travel have caused memory lapses..
There is then another flight to catch, then a 90km taxi journey. Then a few hours dozing on a sun lounger before sunset strawberry daiquiris
and then more strawberry daiquiris at dinner in the next village..
Ad then, a good night’s sleep for Christmas day on the beach